“Why don’t we choose her name?” David said after we came home from the ultrasound. He knew I needed to focus on the happy news of carrying a girl, instead of her risky situation. We pulled our original lists from two years prior, printed more lists from online, and sat down at the kitchen table together. After awhile, we decided “Lily” was still our favorite.
“Let’s pray for her,” David said. I laid my head on his shoulder and started to cry again as he prayed for Lily by name. He prayed for her protection and safety, and for a full-term healthy daughter . . . “But ultimately God, we entrust her to You,” he prayed. “Do you want to pray?” he asked.
“I think you covered it,” I said.
I’ve heard different teachings on faith and prayer. Some say if you have enough faith, God will give you what you pray for, because Jesus said, “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24). But a couple chapters later, Jesus prayed, “Father, everything is possible for You. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will ” (Mark 14:36). Jesus asked for the “cup” of suffering to be taken from Him, and it wasn’t. But we know He wasn’t lacking faith — He still suffered because God had a bigger purpose.
I don’t always know what God is doing (like why this girl won the HGTV Dream Home 2017 instead of me). But I know God hears me, I know He loves me, I know He can do anything, I know He has everything pass through His hands first, I know He’s working for my good, and I know He sees the eternal perspective. But somehow my super-hero cape keeps ending up in the laundry, which means I still worry and I still cry and I still wonder what’s going on sometimes.
As the weeks passed, I thought a lot about Lily and prayed for her often. One Sunday after church, my two-year-old showed me a picture he colored that read, “Jesus can do anything.” I put it on the refrigerator as usual, but left it there long after the usual sneak-it-into-the-trash window had passed, loving the reminder. I also listened to “God Is Able” from Hillsong over and over (and over and over) again for encouragement.
My family also covered me and Lily in prayer, and I didn’t experience bleeding. I also felt unusual peace. Soon it was time for my 30-week ultrasound re-check.
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