“What position is she in?” I asked the sonographer during one final ultrasound.
“She’s head down.”
“But which way is she facing?” I asked. After all my reading, I wondered if Brayden was face-up (backwards) in labor, but there was no way of knowing.
“She’s posterior, so her face is up towards your belly,” said the sonographer.
“Oh boy . . . ” I said.
My obstetrician tried to encourage me. “Oh, there’s still time for her to turn! And even if she doesn’t, most babies rotate in labor.”
I was not encouraged. I’d been noticing her arms and legs sliding across my front for awhile, and it didn’t seem like she was going anywhere.
I’d read when a baby is correctly positioned (face-down/anterior), contractions push the pointy back of the baby’s head down into her mother’s cervix, helping it dilate. When a baby is face-up/posterior, the pointy back of the baby’s head is pushed down into her mother’s back, causing “back labor” and slowed dilation.
I really wanted a straightforward labor, so I tried to discourage her posterior position. I sat awkwardly straight in the car, and with a pillow behind my back on the couch. I anchored myself in bed with pillows so I wouldn’t sleep on my back to discourage her further. But as far as I could tell, nothing changed, and I was the one feeling discouraged.
During my Bible reading one morning, I felt convicted. I cared too much. Even though I was grateful for help with my first labor, I was really hoping I wouldn’t need help this time. I still felt like I had something to prove. But I realized whether I had help or not, God was really the One bringing Lily into the world (Ps. 71:6). I prayed for forgiveness and committed to letting it go.
Two weeks before my due date, David and Brayden and I went out for supper, and then shopping for stress balls (David was remembering how tightly I squeezed his hand during my first labor).
“I don’t think these are strong enough,” David said, inspecting some. “I think they would explode under the pressure.” We went home, and just as I was falling asleep, I felt my first painful contraction.
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